Hungry for love

6 10 2008

I have been buried in busy work.  I have been buried by moving boxes.  I have been buried in sad thoughts.  I have been buried by too many men that I don’t really like enough, faced with a lack of quality over quantity.  I discovered this week that I’m still damaged goods, quite unsuitable for any decent man that might surprisingly come my way. Its been 5 days since I put myself in time-out from this game of looking for love.  I’ve decided to hide and not seek, although it is against my every desire to find love and be loved.

I’d like to blame my biological clock, but I don’t think that’s entirely the case.  I’ve never been so hungry for love in my entire existence.  Maybe because I know how strong my own love for someone can be…intensely passionate and forgiving and understanding. Maybe because I know I’m ready for the real thing.

Its been a few weeks, and I know that Brandon is never going to return my feelings.  He is not the real thing.  Mentally, I’m okay with that.  Emotionally, I’m getting there at a painfully slow pace.

I feel like a puppy in the pet store looking eagerly to be chosen by someone.

But nobody wants a heartbroken companion.  Eventhough breaking up no longer hurts everyday, the moments where I do catch myself thinking about it… my heart feels as painfully broken as it did the first time.  I don’t know where to go from here.  I’ve tried to stay busy by burying myself in moving boxes, overtime at work, and an army of boys who couldn’t make the cut.  I hate to hide and not seek, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

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One response

4 11 2008
sam

Hi,

Even i undergo that same pain. It is truly hurting when in this unfaithful world, you still want to show commitment and then there is no one wanting it. Poeople want goods with guarantee, want promises to be kept by ruling politicians but when it comes to their own life they do not want to be committed , neither do they want to be with someone who could show them commitment. Even i loved a girl. She said that no one has loved her so completely and accepted her so willingly and then she goes on to say that she does not want to talk abt commitment or marriage. Give me a break. Why are they so often behind people who will just use them for pleasures and dump them for shitty reasons ? Its time we get our dues. Love really hurts.

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