I want to love you madly

2 09 2008

Today I was sad because I knew he couldn’t make me happy.  I was sad because it now felt pointless to want him.  I was sad because even though I know its pointless, I still want him, and I still can’t seem to let go of him.  But maybe this is one step closer….to loving someone else madly…

I know its wierd, but its actually alot more helpful for me to spend time with an ex-boyfriend than to sequester myself away from him.  Mostly, because putting the man off-limits puts me on the brink of a panic attack.  Secondly, because it reminds me to see him as he is, not as I wish he is.  In my mind, memories of him are cast in the most perfect light.  I think my mind is in love with him more than my reality.

This weekend in particular was great to be around him.  He was relaxed, nothing bearing on his mind.  He was 100% him, even being talkative.  He rambled about life while throwing martial arts kicks in my living room, and I loved it.  But the next day we had lunch, and I sat across from him, bored, wondering why I’d want to spend the rest of my life with someone who bored me.  It reminded me of this Cake lyric: ” I don’t want to sit across from you wishing I could run… I want to love you madly.” Listen

I guess dating these other boys has taught me how important a good conversation is to me; how its something so simple that makes me feel so fulfilled and connected to someone.  There was nothing wrong with the way he was acting.  He was just being himself, and I was just being myself.  And it was a sad but important realization.

I want to love you madly by Cake (Listen)

I dont want to wonder
If this is a blunder
I dont want to worry whether
Were gonna stay together
till we die

I dont want to jump in
Unless this musics thumping
All the dishes rattle in the cupboards
When the elephants arrive

I want to love you madly
I want to love you now
I want to love you madly, way
I want to love you, love you
Love you madly

I dont want to fake it
I just want to make it
The ornaments look pretty
But theyre pulling down the branches
Of the tree

I dont want to think about it
I dont want to talk about it
When I kiss your lips
I want to sink down to the bottom
Of the sea

I want to love you madly
I want to love you now, yeah
I want to love you madly, way
I want to love you, love you
Love you madly

I dont want to hold back
I dont want to slip down
I dont want to think back to the one thing that I know i
Should have done

I dont want to doubt you
Know everything about you
I dont want to sit across the table from you
Wishing I could run

I want to love you madly
I want to love you now
I want to love you madly, way
I want to love you, love you
Love you madly

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2 responses

3 09 2008
calasian4blk

I can only think of one reason why you are like this. The sex must be the best you ever had. You are not alone. It has happen to me.

12 09 2008

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