Waiting for patience

19 08 2008

Gasp! New Epiphany!

Sunday I made plans to hang out with my friend Adrian. It seems strange to say goodbye to Brandon one day and the next day hang out with an old boyfriend, but Adrian and I now have an incredible friendship where we love each other for who we are… nothing more, nothing less. We don’t just tolerate each other. We allow and encourage each other to be ourselves. It was a really positive way to spend the day. It reminded me that I eventually “got over” Adrian and all the other boys that came before Brandon.

Yesterday Adrian and I ate at one of our favorite restauants, R. Thomas, ran some errands, watched some YouTube, and looked up words on dictionary.com. He has gotten into the habit of looking up definitions to words he doesn’t completely know, which is a great habit for anyone to get into. Most words will teach you something new or deeper about their definition.

Lying on the couch, I asked him to look up PATIENCE. I suck at being patient, and when I’m not beating myself up about it, I’m probably beating other people up with my frustration while waiting for this, that, or the other. Turns out, patience is not about WAITING. Its about tolerating; preferably “enduring with calmness.” But I’ll stick to the basics: TOLERANCE. Trying to add calmness is an advanced level trick.

pa·tient from the American Heritage Dictionary

(pā’shənt) Pronunciation Key adj.

  1. Bearing or enduring pain, difficulty, provocation, or annoyance with calmness.
  2. Marked by or exhibiting calm endurance of pain, difficulty, provocation, or annoyance.
  3. Tolerant; understanding: an unfailingly patient leader and guide.
  4. Persevering; constant: With patient industry, she revived the failing business and made it thrive.
  5. Capable of calmly awaiting an outcome or result; not hasty or impulsive.
  6. Capable of bearing or enduring pain, difficulty, provocation, or annoyance: “My uncle Toby was a man patient of injuries” (Laurence Sterne).

It was a bit of an epiphany for me, realizing that I had spent my whole life trying to be better at WAITING. Now I know that TOLERANCE is a major part of realizing that inner peace I’ve been longing for. Tolerance means not being so hard on myself, on other people, or things that I feel are unsatisfactory. My tolerance can improve by loosening up and letting go. Becoming more of a “go with the flow person.” Disabling the control freak that rules my life. Remembering that I can’t control everything, and to stop being upset by that fact. Remembering that there are alot of things I can control, and to focus on those and to have fun with it.

I encourage all to look up the definition of the words that challenge your life. I think it will help you focus on how to ovecome its challenge. Let me know how it goes….

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