Exit Strategy

1 06 2008

I need an exit strategy, so I wrote him this email….
I don’t know what to do.
I want to call you.  I want you to call me.  I want to be friends.
I don’t know if cutting off our visits and calls is going to help or make things worse.
Right now it feels worse.  I just want to hear your voice, but i know there’s nothing new to say.
I feel very fortunate that you actually do call me, as most people in this situation never do.  It just always catches me off guard.  I see your name on the caller ID, and part of me is excited to just hear from you.  Part of me panics about whether I’ll be able to get through the conversation without shedding a tear.

I can deal with those two scenarios.  The one I can’t control is the part of me hoping that phone call from you is going to turn into a happy ending and we can both stop feeling like THIS.  I know its stupid, but part of me just can’t let go of the feeling that we could be sooo right for each other. 
But I should know better than that by now.  You don’t even love me as a friend, all romantic crap aside.  And that’s no one’s fault.  I just have to accept that there’s nothing I can do to change how you feel about me.  I have to accept you for who you are today.  Nothing more, nothing less.  Not who I wish you would be, or who I am sure you are going to grow into being.  Not who you were when I first met you, first kissed you, first made love to you. Because that guy doesn’t exist anymore.  We’ve both changed and we’re never going to be those 2 people again. 
You can email me at this address if you have anything to say. 
I’m dying to call you…to the point where I think I should delete your number.  I’m hoping it doesn’t have to come to that.




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