23 10 2007

Lynne is cranky.  Very cranky.  The kind she can’t seem to shake.

Rarrrrrrrrr!!!!  I wish i could go to kickboxing right now and just let it all out.  I don’t know why i get violent tendencies when I’m angry.  I just came back from kicking the crap out of a bathroom stall.  Doesn’t feel much better.

My level of crankiness is proportional to the number of wires dangling from my body:  I’ve got my ipod on full blast, and so is my electic current muscle relaxer device.  I’m making snarling faces at my computer monitor, and I’m trying to hide the cursing under my breath.  Nothing is working my way.  It hasn’t for the last 12 hours or more.  I put myself to bed ridiculously early, just because I was sick of having to put up with myself.  I figured that if everything was going to be a crapshoot, I might as well end the day and start over tomorrow.  The cranky bitch didn’t come back till I got to work.  Sigh. i hate this.

Deep down, I wonder if my current relationship snafu is just trying to manifest itself outward.  I’d rather just keep it hidden deep down, hoping that what’s upsetting me will just dissapate into a silly nothing.  Instead of being a huge personal insult.  I try not to take things too personally, and I know that this situation is a definite candidate for that sort of drama.  But the fact that my internal negative reaction has surpassed the 24 hour quarantine, should justify talking it out.  But there are just some issues better handled with patience.

Lynne does not do patience.  She is impulsive.  She sees what she wants, and she goes to get it.  When there is no option for instant gratification, I deal with it by working towards whatever desire/goal there is.  Sitting and doing nothing is the worst thing ever.  I do not have the patience for that.  Letting something simmer?  Instead, I end up stewing over all the negative aspects of a situation.  Patience.  Patience.  Patience.  Patience.  Sigh.




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