Timing is Everything

7 09 2007

This is the week I started freaking out about getting gray hairs. FIVE of them this week…. It seemed so bizarre, at first, that it was amusing as an anomaly.

Last night, I realized I’ve had more gray hairs than serious relationships. I think contemplating this bizzare ratio is only going to add more gray hairs. Sigh. In my defense, they were all really good relationships, and one lasted 4 years. Not that I’m itching to get married or have any regrets. I’m very thankful that: I’m NOT married, NOT living in North Carolina, and NOT so Catholic (anymore). If that were my life, I’d probably be up breastfeeding instead of writing this blog. NOT what I want right now, maybe never.

I enjoy the freedom of being single in the city, having no roomates to yell at, no dog to take care of, nothing to answer to but myself. I don’t have to persuade/argue/bribe anyone to see what movie I want to see, eat at what restaurant I crave, change the channel to the Gator football game, or hang out with my favorite friends.

Besides, the timing’s not right. I’m trying to focus on getting my NCIDQ Interior Design license, get into grad school for Architecture, plan a trip to Japan… and I have way too many random and obscure hobbies and unfinished projects. I remember in the movie “Hitch” (with Will Smith) he says that all those excuses mean that I just haven’t met the right person yet. I agree with that theory, but whoever this man is, he’s got alot to contend with. I need a Contender, not a Pretender.

Some of my friends and I are in a RUT of meeting many people, none of which interest us physically, mentally, or both. Some of these fish in the sea are decent people with good looks, good jobs, good background stuff. But no SPARK. I used to think that I had to feel some “vibe” or “spark” during our first meeting, if only a physical attraction to start. It took me 6 days, 3 phone conversations, and 1 hour into our first date to feel that vibe with my last boyfriend. Considering that vibe is still very strong now that we’re just friends, I’ve had to totally rework my Vibe Expectancy Protocol to have a more open-ended deadline. The V.E.P. was tested yet again this past weekend, when I unsuspectingly gave my number to a phone stalker. 15 calls in 4 days!!! Surprisingly, this is my first phone stalker in 25 years. Quite a lucky streak, no?

The struggle with the Vibe Expectancy Protocol is making sure you’re open-minded enough to get to know someone before you judge them, and knowing when to release them into the wild when there is no vibe. I suppose its only something I can control on my end, and his reaction will always be different. I still often think of this man who was smart, funny, had great taste in music, super ambitious, college football player who volunteered with at-risk youth and incarcerated men. Everything a girl could want, and all I wanted was to be physically attracted to him. I was so sure I would eventually get that vibe, but his expectations were too soon.

Its all about the timing, I guess. When I was younger, it took me FOREVER to process vibes. My high school sweetheart: It took me a year of teasing and competition to realize it was really a year of flirting and feelings. After he declared his love for me, it took me 3 long days to realize I felt likewise. It took almost a month after that before we ever kissed. No lie. Then after we broke up in college, I felt a vibe from every cute guy in a 2 mile radius. I was unbelievably impulsive and addicted to kissing. No lie. Since moving to Atlanta, I have been bombarded by men of every age, ethnicity, and status. Which is obviously nice. However, it is an exhausting feat to receive each man with respect and an open mind. Most girls get lazy and don’t give men a fair chance. I’m not perfect, but I try hard to keep my mind open, because I’ve experienced so many wonderful people that a closed mind would have totally missed out on. I like to think that he might be the next great love of my life. Wish me lots of sparks this weekend!

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3 responses

7 09 2007
HeyWouldFloyd

A very nice post. You are a good writer. Keep it up.

I like the VEP thing too and have had some recent experience with it. It’s funny…sometimes we like the person so much…we want the vibe to be there…but it just ain’t. Other times the vibe is all there is and we wish that we would have something else to relate to.

The science of chemistry is allusive.

Good luck this weekend.

HeyWouldFloyd

7 09 2007
achellis

I love it! and I’m wishing you sparks*

9 09 2007
Viet

Wishing you an abundance of sparks. I’ve been lacking in the sparks department myself. I hope I can get a few pretty soon. I’m not as lucky as to be bombarded with women. *sigh* If only ALL women were more aggressive. Keep up the good work Lynne. VERY interesting stuff.

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