LaLaLa, brmmp brmpp, Batata LaLa

I sang in the shower today.  It was fun. It was silly.  It was tremendously gratifying to express myself in a series of random sounds and humming.  Every time I came close to humming a recognizable tune, I veered sharply into another random melody.  I laughed at myself several times and that felt even better.  My eyes closed tightly against the shower spray and soapy foam, there were moments where I became so attune to the rapidly randomly developing tune that I found myself dancing a little, and then laughing at myself as soon as I noticed.

Try it.  It feels really good.

For some reason, it felt more powerful knowing someone might hear.  The walls in my apartment are thin.  I often hear my roomates, as well as my neighbors.  To blatantly be foolish in the presence of others.  Releasing a slight self-insecurity out into the world.  Try it.

Scientific Study backs me up:  Singing could reduce your pain and prolong your life

Lynne likes this song, “When it hurts” .  The message is important.  Relationships, dating/friendships/family are all measured by how we respond to the difficult moments.  The singer Avant has a lyric about “changing people’s definition of love” by reminding everyone that its the tough times that count.  Seeing as we’re in a tough time globally, I hope we’ll all remember.

I can happily say that my friends and family have always been there for me in troubling moments, whether in support or to argue a constructive point of their own.

Boyfriends are another story.  I can only think of one boyf that ever stuck around for an argument.  Granted, I don’t pick many fights, and most debates I have a winning point.  It seems strange, but I’m hoping my next boyfriend will invest enough of himself to argue for the sake of improving our relationship or clearing up misperceptions.  Not just giving up on things that don’t seem to work.  Not just giving up on me.

I agree, its easier to avoid conflict all together, especially at the risk of making a girl cry.  But delivering constructive criticism is a service of honesty between two friends.  Discussing personal opinions, no matter how controversial or awkward, should also be comfortable, if not mutually respectful.

new Kanye single sounds hauntingly good. The rhythm reminds me of my own heart pounding. Pretty good break-up attitude.  Its a pretty accurate depiction of my break up status.

Kanye West “Love Lockdown”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZVZX-W3vo9I

the video is wierd. I don’t get it.

I’m not lovin’ you
Way I wanted to
What I had to do
Had to run from you
I’m in love with you
But the vibe is wrong
And that haunted me all the way home

So you never know
Never, never know
Never know enough
Til it’s over love
Til we lose control
System overload
Screamin’ no, no, no, no, no

I’m not lovin’ you
Way I wanted to
See I want to move
But can’t escape from you
So I keep it low
Keep a secret code
So everybody else don’t have to know

So keep your love locked down
Your love locked down
Keepin’ your love locked down
Your love locked down
Now keep your love locked down
Your love locked down
Now keep your love locked down
You lose

I’m not lovin’ you
Way I wanted to
I can’t keep my cool
So I keep it true
I got something to lose
So I gotta move
I can’t keep myself
And still keep you too

So I keep in mind
When I’m on my own
Somewhere far from home
In the danger zone
How many times did I tell you
‘fore it finally got through
You lose, you lose

I’m not lovin’ you
Way I wanted to
See I had to go
See I had to move
No more wasting time
You can’t wait for life
We’re just racing time
Where’s the finish line

So keep your love locked down
Your love locked down
Keepin’ your love locked down
Your love locked down
Now keep your love locked down
Your love locked down
Now keep your love locked down
You lose

I’m not lovin’ you
Way I wanted to
I bet no one knew
I got no one new
No, I said I’m through
But got love for you
But I’m not lovin’ you
Way I wanted to

Gotta keep it going
Keep the lovin’ going
Keep it on a roll
Only god knows
If I’ll be with you
Baby I’m confused
You choose, you choose

I’m not lovin’ you
Way I wanted to
Where I want to go
I don’t need you
I’ve been down this road
Too many times before
I’m not lovin’ you
Way I wanted to

So keep your love locked down
Your love locked down
Keepin’ your love locked down
Your love locked down
Now keep your love locked down
Your love locked down
Now keep your love locked down
You lose

You lose
You lose
You lose
You lose

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q99d08a2IEE

My new theme song is Don’t you forget it by Glenn Lewis (2001)

Here are the lyrics…which are keeping me on track right now.

Far away from the life so young
That’s when you used to know
Many dreams since then you’ve had have come and gone
The time might show
But stress, don’t you let in, don’t you forget it
Trust you’ll find your way love
Hope is what your heart is made of

And don’t you forget it
Don’t you forget your way home
For that little girl
Hold on to your world
And don’t you forget it
Don’t you forget your way home
For that little girl
Hold on to your world

You’re world’s apart from first where life would start
Understanding what it means to have gone
Nothing but your heavy broken heart
Memories of what used to be
With change comes responsiblity
Don’t forget where you are and where you’ve been
Life’s lessons then made you into woman

And don’t you forget it
Don’t you forget your way home
For that little girl
Hold on to your world
And don’t you forget it
Don’t you forget your way home
For that little girl
Hold on to your world

Don’t you be afraid cuz a heartbeat away
It’s all that and everything
That send men and women to you
Don’t need to cry, you can dry your eyes
Cuz you can count on the love that through the years
Captured fears you’ll face, can subside your tears
Everything will be ok, don’t you be afraid
No no no no, la la la, la la la
Don’t you be afraid, no baby

And don’t you forget it
Don’t you forget your way home
For that little girl
Hold on to your world
And don’t you forget it
Don’t you forget your way home
For that little girl
Hold on to your world

This song makes me feel mushy, swoony, head over heels…. check it out….”never” by Jaheim….. www.jaheimmusic.com Actually, all the songs streamed on this site make me mushy.

The last few days have been a rollercoaster of emotions. I started angry, sad, unsatisfied…he made me feel connected again…he gave me what I needed at that moment….we were real with each other.

At our purest moment, stripped from the demands of the world and each other, we belonged together.

Everything felt right…..intense…amazing…real.

To combat my crankiness, I am forcing myself to make a list of things that make me happy…

Hoodie sweaters.

Ice cream:  dippin’ dots, space ice-cream, all 31 flavors, and of course, fro-yo

crotchless panties:  hearing about them used to scare me, but now it makes me laugh

pictures of my god daughter Chee-Chee.  she looks like a porcelain doll.

Chris Brown singing and dancing

Brandon saying, “This is my jam…. This is my jam!”

miracle skin moisturizers

cracker barrel food and fun store

my family and friends

naps

slow dancing out of the blue

time to read books

time to blog

leggings

flip flops

my paycheck

being wrapped in a man’s arms

kisses long and short

new pajamas

biscoff cookies- I’m only allowed to eat 4 cookies a day, and I they’re so good!

deep discounted stuff at the store.  why pay full price if you can avoid it?

marshmallow jackets, motorcycle jackets

r&b songs:  112, neyo, faith evans, chris brown are on my playlist of the moment.

not breaking the Big Kahuna

What I’m listening to:  Thriller-Michael Jackson, Grey Album- Jay-z/DangerMouse

What I’m snacking on:  Peanut M&M’s, courtesy of Amber.  I’m down to two blue M&M’s.  Supply is critically low.  I am starting to panic, as this is the last of my Halloween rations!

All dressed up and nowhere to go…seems to be the theme of my 2007 halloween activities.  Rather than be bummed about Halloween falling on a Wednesday, I have been excited by the prospect of Taking Back Wednesday, and giving my friends a legitimate excuse to come out on a weeknight.  Unfortunately, there seems to be nowhere to go.  Nowhere promising, anyhow.  All my usual haunts appear to be closed, and I am searching in every direction for a fun time.  Its starting to frustrate me.

My costume this year is wicked cool.  I am Little Red Riding Hood…from the Hood.  I’ve got my red caped hood, flashy shades, and all the bling bling neccessary, minus the grill.  After much convincing and watching of the “i’m so ‘hood” music video, my friends talked me into wearing the grill to complete my costume.  However, I couldn’t get it to fit in my mouth this weekend.  Bummer, but notsomuch, since I heard that alot of fake teeth have lead paint in it, courtesy of “Made in China.” 

I’ll post a pic as soon as I figure out how.  Thankfully, the new guy, always eager to take photos of me, had his camera on hand. Especially since he and the camera were the only ones to see me dressed up on Sat. nite.  At the end of our date, I changed into my costume and he was going to drop me off at my friend’s party, but we never found the house and by then it was too late to join my friends at the club.  So Saturday was a crapshoot, and hopefully tonight won’t be.

Has anyone ever heard of spankrock?  I am very new to this musical genre, encountering it while looking for tonight’s activity.  Devlin & Darko are 2 Djs spinning a danceable yet interesting mix of music.  Check it out:  http://www.myspace.com/baltimorebassconnection

Here in Hotlanta, everyone’s a musician or a wannabe or a dj.  You encounter at least one of the above daily.  Yesterday on the bus home from work, I sat down next to Glenn G, wearing all black, black sunglasses, and a black golfers cap.  He is the lead singer/bassist in a funk band that I promised to check out someday.  Today on the elevator, a muscular black man in a throw back jersey was trying to pawn off his poetry jazz demo tape to a strangely dressed black man wearing sunglasses, a braves cap, a falcons jersey, a gucci travel bag, and carrying a Dallas Cowboys’ football helmet. 

Since moving to ATL, over 20 assorted men have introduced themselves to me as a DJ of some sort, and I have yet to receive a mix tape!  That’s all I’m asking for!  I couldn’t even get my ex-boyf. to make me one, even after I helped him untangle a mess of wires from his turn-table setup.  Sigh.

I can’t explain to you why girls love musicians.  We just do.  Even if a man plays the kazoo, we’ll take that and cherish it.  Even if a man played the banjo back in the fifth grade, we’ll ignore the dorky insinuations and sigh dreamily, hoping that his once musical talent may one day resurface into a glorious serenade.  I don’t actually know if a banjo serenade would be any good, but every girl loves a good serenade. 

I myself have only been serenaded once.  It was on a train from Munich to Daccau, about 2 years ago.  I was traveling with this guy Andrew, who was so cool and so much fun.  Upon discovering that I didn’t know a single Johnny Cash song, he sang me every song he knew, which lasted the entire train ride.  Somehow, the Germans didnt seem to mind since he sang it well with a deep voice. It was a full train, and he was the only one standing in our train car, with his leg propped up on a ledge, posed in the Captain Morgan style.  It was the best! 

Sidenote on Andrew:  one of the coolest guys ever.  One of the only men I regret not having kissed.  One of the only men in my bustling Munich hostel that didn’t try to kiss me.  One of the man-liest, most polite texas gentleman ever.  Big as a lumberjack, always carried me with him to the front of the line.  Talked cars, drank beer, ate schnitzel (deep fried porkchops)  every day for a week.  We’d wake up, head to the Augustiner brewhaus (the best) have lunch, drink dark tasty Bavarian beer, walk the city, take a nap, wake up for happy hour at the hostel, drink alot of Paulaner, then find random misfits to troll the night with.  Definitely one of the best weeks ever.